Frustrated at work? Feeling unappreciated in your relationship? Stuck in a loop of complaints, irritability, and exhaustion? You’ve changed jobs, partners, or zip codes, hoping each time that this one will make you feel better, yet, the feelings follow you like a shadow.
Here’s a hard truth: the problem might not be your job, your partner, or your circumstances. The problem might be… you.
That’s not said to shame you—it’s said to empower you. Because if you’re the source of your dissatisfaction, that also means you hold the key to your happiness.
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I’ve been listening to Jon Gordon on Audible recently… His books The No Complaining Rule, The Positive Dog, and The Carpenter, drive this point home: true happiness begins with personal responsibility, mindset, and growth. When you start working on yourself, the world starts to feel like a better place—not because it has changed, but because you did.
The Common Denominator: You
Let’s start with a tough question:
If every job feels unfulfilling… if every relationship becomes draining… if you constantly feel stuck and uninspired—what’s the one thing all of those situations have in common?
You.
This doesn’t mean you’re the villain of your story. It means you’re the author. If you’re waiting for a boss to validate you, a partner to “fix” you, or a new circumstance to motivate you, you’re giving away your power.
Unhappiness is often a signal that something within us needs to grow.
Let’s explore why that is, and how you can reclaim your joy by investing in yourself.
Why Working on Yourself Changes Everything
Jon Gordon’s The No Complaining Rule isn’t just about zipping your lips when you’re irritated. It’s about redirecting your energy. Instead of focusing on problems, Gordon challenges readers to find solutions, take action, and become part of the change they want to see.
When you invest in your personal growth, you stop expecting others to fulfill you—and start creating fulfillment from within.
In The Positive Dog, Gordon tells a story of two dogs inside each of us: one positive, one negative. The one that wins is the one we feed. Feeding the positive dog means practicing gratitude, optimism, and purpose—skills anyone can learn with intention.
The Carpenter takes it further by focusing on serving, caring, and building with love. If we want better relationships and work experiences, we have to bring better energy into them.
Five Signs You’re Unhappy with Yourself (Not Just Your Life)
- You complain often but rarely take action.
You feel stuck, but resist taking steps to improve things. - You feel like a victim of your circumstances.
You believe happiness is only possible if something changes externally. - You’re envious of people who seem confident, happy, or “together.”
Envy often reflects what we believe we’re lacking inside. - You’re bored, restless, or chronically tired.
Lack of purpose or goals can drain your energy more than hard work. - You’ve stopped learning, growing, or challenging yourself.
Growth is fuel for the soul. Without it, you feel stagnant and unfulfilled.
How to Start Becoming a Happier, More Fulfilled Person
Now that you recognize where the unhappiness might really come from, let’s talk about how to start building joy from the inside out.
1. Set Small, Meaningful Goals
Many people are unhappy because they have no vision for their lives. Without goals, you’re just existing—not living.
Try this:
- Start with a 30-day challenge: journaling daily, walking 20 minutes a day, or reading one chapter of a book each morning.
- Choose one skill to develop this month—like public speaking, cooking, or managing your finances.
Why it works: Achieving even tiny goals gives you momentum and confidence. Jon Gordon says in The Carpenter that great builders start with small bricks.
2. Read More and Feed Your Mind
Books are one of the fastest ways to shift your mindset. They’re portable mentors. Gordon’s own books are a great place to start because they’re accessible, uplifting, and filled with actionable advice.
Recommended titles to start:
- The Positive Dog – Helps you retrain your mindset toward optimism.
- The Energy Bus by Jon Gordon – Shows you how to use positivity and purpose to drive personal and professional success.
- Atomic Habits by James Clear – Shows you how to build small, life-changing habits.
- The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz – Teaches self-responsibility and inner peace.
If you’ve read my other blog posts, you’ll know that a few of my other favorites are The 5AM Club by Robin Sharma, The Miracle Morning By Hal Elrod, and The Alchemist by Paolo Coelho.
Even 10 minutes a day can create powerful shifts over time.
3. Move Your Body
Physical activity releases endorphins—your body’s natural feel-good chemicals. But beyond that, movement builds discipline, energy, and self-respect.
Start with:
- A daily 15-minute walk, without distractions.
- Gentle yoga or stretching each morning.
- Dance breaks to your favorite music.
Why it works: Your body is connected to your mood. As you build strength and energy, your confidence grows too.
4. Make Gratitude a Daily Habit
Gratitude is one of the fastest ways to stop feeding the negative dog. It doesn’t mean pretending everything is perfect—it means recognizing what is good, even while working on the rest.
Try this:
- Keep a gratitude journal with three things each day.
- Practice gratitude during annoying moments (traffic, chores) to retrain your reactions.
- Verbally thank people in your life for small things.
Bonus tip: Share one positive story at the dinner table each night.
5. Reduce Complaining and Increase Problem-Solving
From The No Complaining Rule: When you catch yourself complaining, stop and ask:
- “What’s one thing I can do to change this situation?”
- “What is this complaint really about?”
Most complaints are symptoms of unmet needs or unspoken boundaries. Turning complaints into action steps is incredibly empowering.
Real-Life Example: From Frustrated to Fulfilled
Meet Tamika. She hated her job, felt her boyfriend was distant, and often found herself binge-watching TV to escape. She blamed everyone—until she read The Positive Dog and realized she was feeding negativity daily.
She decided to:
- Set a goal to walk 3x a week and read one book per month.
- Start a side hustle doing custom gift baskets—something she always loved.
- Journal each night about her wins.
Six months later, she hadn’t changed her job or boyfriend—but she felt completely different. Her energy was magnetic. She eventually got promoted and began teaching workshops in her community. The happier she became with herself, the more her external life improved.
How to Sustain Growth (Even When It’s Hard)
Here’s the truth: working on yourself isn’t always glamorous. Some days you won’t feel like reading, journaling, or pushing through discomfort. But that’s the test.
From The Carpenter: “Your greatest power is to love. Use it to build yourself, your future, and others.”
Loving yourself means committing to growth even when it’s inconvenient. You show up not because it’s easy—but because your joy is worth the effort.
Final Thoughts: Stop Waiting to Be Happy—Start Creating It
If you’re unhappy at work or in your relationship, ask yourself: “Am I bringing my best self to this?”
Too often, we want the world to change before we do. But happiness is an inside job. It’s something we build—brick by brick—with new habits, skills, mindsets, and actions.
So today, challenge yourself:
- Stop feeding the negative dog.
- Start setting small goals.
- Move, read, grow, love, build.
And remember: You don’t have to change the world to change your life.
You just have to change you.
Call to Action:
If this post resonated with you, I challenge you to pick one small goal this week. Then share it in the comments or with a friend. Let’s start building a more fulfilled version of you—together.
